:/

I don't think I'll be able to trust girls anymore. Everyone I have been with just rips my heart out.

I did everything and anything to have her.
I tried all the games, I tried not talking, being cold, being lovely, calling everyday, and even the in between, but it was never enough, there was always something for her to bitch about, she was such a bitch to me, at the time I was so blinded by love to see, that she didn't want me at all, she just wanted to pull the string and watch me crumble.

I know what I want to do in life now. I know its going to take time to do. But. I also know, I'll never be happy without love.

Maybe it doesn't matter what jobs I work, or what pay I make, if I go partying or just stay home, all that matters, and the only thing that will make me truly happy inside.

Is if I can find that one girl that will truly love me for me, and not for the images I put on, the people I think I am. But can actually see through the lies and untrustworthyness that, I am human under this exteriour, I need someone to realize who I am. I might be Leq to some, or Jordie to others. But in essence, every name, every person I meet, I am always going to be different.
Because, I live to make people smile. To make people happy. But. It seems I have failed at the one thing in life that keeps me living.

I should be on medication... But, no one can see me underneath... And I cant show myself because, I will wither.

I will not cry over her anymore.

I wont be able to do anything soon.